The Wind is Piercing
by Batdz Angel
Summary: Returned to the world she died to save, Buffy is unable to face those who resurrected her. When Spike is accused of keeping her from her real family, she reacts in a way no one had ever thought was possible. SPUFFY, AU AfterlifeSeason Six.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Any dialogue that is familiar is taken from Buffy episodes, including seasons six and seven.

**Rated:** PG-15 or T or M.

**Pairing(s):** Spike/Buffy, mentions of Tara/Willow, Anya/Xander.

**Spoilers:** AU version of Afterlife and Season Six beyond.

**Summary:** Returned to the world she died to save, Buffy is unable to face those who resurrected her. When Spike is accused of keeping her from her real family, she reacts in a way no one had ever thought was possible.

_The Wind is Piercing_

The bar stank of urine and blood; smells he was glad for since that meant he doesn't have to think about anything other than whether or not he'll throw up. He orders his drink and tosses cash onto the table. His hand taps a quick beat on the wood and he grimaces at it, hating it for the evilness it has caused and the sins it has made him commit.

The man looks up, gratefulness written in his eyes as the bartender places a shot of whiskey before him and picks it up, knocking it back smoothly. Suddenly, he pauses, turning to look at a short, squat demon beside him. "What the hell do you want?" he snaps and the demon smiles then, saying, "I'm glad you asked. You like stories?"

"Sometimes," the man retorts. "Why? You Mother Goose?"

"No," the demon grins. "I'm the guy who's gonna save you from damnation. Listen up."

The man rolls his eyes but listens even as he motions for another whiskey. The demon sighs and begins his tale...

--

She isn't aware of time as the girl fawns over her, helping her shower, and dress in a pair of pants with a crisp white blouse that is painfully rough against her skin. She listens with half an ear as the girl babbles on about the house and the changes, her eyes far too blue in her young face. She hears the door open, a bellow of "Dawn!" and her muscles tense as Dawn darts out the door. She sits on the bed for a moment before following.

She pauses in the middle of the staircase as the scents of leather and spices fill her nostrils, along with cigarette smoke. Something, an ache she hasn't known exist within her, is filled then and she whispers softly, "William?" as wide blue eyes stare at her in fear and in hope.

"Buffy?" he says and she crosses the divide with a strangled wail, arms wrapping around his neck as he catches her, staggering back against the door. She sobs into his shirt, saying, "It's real, isn't it? I'm here?"

"Yeah," he says as he cradles her to his chest, meeting Dawn's teary gaze over the top of the Slayer's head. "Yeah, you're here baby."

Another sob and he sighs before the scent of rich blood fills his nostrils. He struggles with his demon for a moment before gently pushing her away and lifting her hands for inspection. At the sight of her mutilated fingers, he almost cries out but merely orders Dawn to bring him bandages and the necessary disinfectants. He leads Buffy into the living room and sits down across from her, still holding her hands.

"How long was I gone?"

Her voice startles him as he stares at her for a few seconds, his hands clutching hers gently as his blue eyes travel over her face. He blinks, slowly as if he has just awoke from a deep sleep, before answering.

"A hundred forty-seven days yesterday," he says, his voice low and soothing. "Uh, hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?" He studies her for a moment before asking, "How long was it for you...where you were?"

She looks down at the floor before looking up into his eyes. Tears fill her green eyes as she whispers, "Longer..."

Silence for a few seconds and she speaks up again. "I was happy."

"What?" he asks confusion written on his beautiful face.

"Wherever I was," she says as her sister enters, holding the things Spike needs to bandage her hands. "I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about..." She closes her eyes tightly. "Was all right. I knew it..."

Dawn stands frozen in the doorway as Spike stares at the Slayer with horror written in his face. "Time didn't mean anything, nothing had form but I was still me, you know?" She opens her eyes to look at him. "And I was warm and I was loved and I was _finished_. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions or any of it, really but I think...I think I was in heaven..."

A sob rips itself out of Dawn's throat as she falls to the floor, the bandages and bottle of hydrogen peroxide rolling out of her hands. Spike drops Buffy's battered hands from his own and whispers, "Buffy..." as he reaches for her. The Slayer lets the tears drip down her face as she says, her voice a hoarse whisper, "And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out by my _friends_," she spat hatefully. "And everything here is hard and bright and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch..."

She clutched her fingers tightly, digging into the mutilated knuckles. "This is Hell. Just getting through the next moment and the one after that...knowing what I've lost..."

She breaks down at that and Spike buries his face in his hands as Buffy asks, "Why didn't they let me rest? Why couldn't I stay?"

At that moment, the Scoobies come into the house, voices melding together in a chaotic run of questions and what they should do for Buffy.

And hell breaks lose.

With a snarl, his eyes flickering amber and his game face appearing, Spike spins, the coffee table flying across the room as he crouches in front of the distraught Slayer. The Scoobies all stop in there tracks, confusion and fear written on their faces. Buffy curls up into a ball on the couch, whispering, "Go away, go away, go away..." as Spike snarls at them in warning.

Xander steps forward, saying, "What the hell is wrong with you, Evil Dead?" even as he fumbles for the stake in his pocket. Dawn manages to collect herself and strides past him, standing in front of Spike. She motions for him to take care of Buffy and he obliges, his game face still in place as he croons softly to the girl curled up on the sofa, a purr rumbling from deep inside his chest.

Dawn keeps her eyes on the four in front of her, crossing her arms over her chest as she says lowly, "What did you _do_?"

"A spell," Willow answers as she watches her friend crawl into the vampire's lap and resentment fills her as Spike nuzzles Buffy's cheek with a rumble. Buffy is in a death-grip around Spike's body, arms and legs tightly wound around the vampire's slim form. She frowns deeply and says, "What is she doing?"

"She came back wrong," Xander says hysteria tinging his voice. "Willow, she came back wrong!"

"Buffy's fine," Dawn says without bothering to look over her shoulder. "She's just taking comfort from someone who didn't betray her like this."

Willow's green eyes snap up to Dawn's blue ones, hurt written in them. "Betray her? I would never hurt Buffy like that!" she cries stepping forward and gasping as Dawn steps back, and Spike lets out a growl that is filled with warning. "Dawn, I swear, I haven't done anything to hurt Buffy!"

"You brought her back from the dead," Dawn hisses. "What the hell do you call that?"

"She was in a hell dimension," Xander protests. "Will was just doing what was right!"

"What was right," Dawn cries. "Was finding out if my sister was in a hell dimension! Not going off on another one of her spells that are always screwed up!"

"Dawn," Tara speaks up for the first time. "Willow was only trying to help."

"Then she should never have pulled my sister from heaven."

Silence.

Complete and utter silence, save for Buffy's quiet whimpers and Spike's soothing rumbles as he rocks the Slayer back and forth.

The Scoobies are all pale, Anya's mouth open in shock as Xander stumbles back in horror. Tara is white and trembling as Willow falls back as if she has been physically struck. They all stare at Dawn's grim face, looking for a sign that it's a joke but only find unforgiving anger and coldness.

"Get out," Dawn says. "And stay away from Buffy, Spike, and me. We don't want or need you here."

"Dawn," Xander says. "We can't leave you hear with Spike."

"He's the only one in this entire room I feel safe with," Dawn replies as she lifts her chin. "And so, he's the only one I'll be trusting with my sister."

"Buffy," Willow gasps. "Buffy, I'm so sorry! I swear, I thought I was helping you, I thought I was doing what you would have wanted..."

She cries deeply and Tara kneels beside her wrapping her arms around her as Dawn watches in disgust. She snorts and shakes her head as she turns to look at her sister and Spike. She smiles as Spike looks at her with his human visage and stands, a weeping Buffy in his arms. He walks past the Scoobies and sets Buffy gently on the stairs, kneeling down to speak with her quietly. The others watch as Buffy sniffles and nods before getting to her feet and going up the stairs.

Turning, Spike says, "It's insulting for all of you to think that the Slayer would be in hell. She's done good for this world a hundred times over and you all assume she's going to hell?" He shakes his head in disgust and continues, "I'd hate to have friends like the lot of you."

"No one asked for your opinion," Xander hisses. "So why don't you leave Buffy with her real friends?"

"Spike is her friend," Dawn snaps as she shoves Xander towards the door. "And he's mine too and I want you _out_!"

"Dawn-"

"This isn't-"

"Buffy needs-"

A crashing sound comes from upstairs and Spike rushes to check on Buffy. He finds her on her bed, rocking back and forth, whimpering softly as he takes note of the mirror on the floor, the glass in millions of shards. He shakes his head in sadness and goes into the room, gently gathering the frightened girl in his arms.

He feels Willow enter and doesn't bother looking at her as he says, "Leave Red."

"Is she okay?" Willow asks her voice hesitant and Buffy whines even more, clutching Spike's coat in her fingers as Willow comes into the room. Spike curses heavily under his breath and turns to glare at Willow, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark room. "I _said_," he growls. "To leave."

Willow straightens her back, anger flaring in her eyes. "You shouldn't talk to me like that," she warns as her pupils turn black. "I'm warning you once Spike."

Ignoring the feeling of magic crawling against his skin, Spike stands as he shields Buffy with his body, saying lowly, "You think that because you've done some heavy black magic, I'm scared of you? Newsflash Red: you seem to forget who I am."

"I know exactly what you are," she snaps. "And I know that you're the one who should leave."

"No," Buffy cries as her head snaps up and she climbs into Spike's arms. "No! No leaving! Spike, don't leave!"

Spike shushes her, wrapping his arms around her as she wraps her legs around his slim hips. "Shh," he murmurs soothingly. "M'not going anywhere baby. Promise."

The Slayer sniffles as she turns her head to face Willow, hazel eyes brimming with tears. "You pulled me out," she whispers. "I begged you to let me rest Willow. I thought you'd hear me. Why didn't you hear me?"

Willow steps forward, reaching out to Buffy but she shrinks into Spike, wailing at the top of her lungs. Unsure as to how to react to this being that is her friend but not the redheaded witch leaves the room in tears.

--

He awakens with a start, his eyes flickering open to stare at the ceiling. He frowns and pulls on his shirt, padding towards the kitchen in bare feet. He finds her sitting on the back porch, her head hidden within her knees as her shoulders shake with silent sobs. He sighs heavily and returns to the living room, picking up a heavy throw left on the armchair. Going back outside, Spike drapes the throw over Buffy's shoulders and says gently, "Nightmare again?"

She nods her head and he sits beside her, digging into his front pocket for a cigarette. Finding one, he lights up and slides his Zippo back into his tight jeans before speaking. "Buffy, s'been three weeks now," he says gently. "You need sleep. You can't be afraid of sleepin' anymore pet. It's time for you to get a good night's rest."

"I can't," she murmurs her voice thick with tears. "I close my eyes and all I see is the lining in the coffin..." Her voice breaks. "The dirt falling on top of me, filling my lungs, and suffocating me." She shakes her head, which is still between her knees. "I can't forget."

"Yes but you can deal with it," he says quietly as he takes a drag of cigarette. " I've never forgotten my own experience but I've learnt to deal with it." He slides a hand over her hair, running the golden locks through his fingers. "And you will too."

They sit in silence, Buffy rocking silently as Spike smokes his cigarette. Spike looks at her out of the corner of his eye and sighs heavily before saying, "I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her."

Buffy stops rocking, her ears tuned into the vampire's voice. "If I'd done that," Spike says lowly. "Even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't have had to jump."

Buffy lifts her head and turns her neck to look at him. She sees the top of his head, the blonde curls glittering in the moonlit night. She aches to crawl into his arms, to let him wrap her up in the sanctuary that is his love but fear keeps her in place as he speaks.

"But I want you to know," he murmurs, his throat thick with emotion. "That I did save you. Not when it counted of course, but after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do somethin' different; faster or more clever, you know?"

He inhales sharply, his wrists dangling off his knees and Buffy stares at the pale limbs, taking in the quiet tremble of his cigarette as he confesses to her. "Dozens of times, lots of different ways," he says as his voice drops into a whisper. "Every night I save you."

Tears fill Buffy's eyes at the whisper of a confessions; it soothes her soul like a balm and she quietly crawls into his arms, wrapping herself around him as she closes her eyes. Spike closes his eyes tightly, fighting the tears and starts as soft lips press against his cheek. Pulling back, he stares into Buffy's brimming hazel eyes.

"Thank you," she whispers as she stares him with a small glimmer of her former fire. "Thank you."

--

_One Week Later..._

Spike rubs his eyes tiredly as he goes into the kitchen. Making himself a cup of blood, he frowns as he hears the doorbell ring. Padding into the foyer, he peers through a curtain and sighs as he sees Giles standing on the front porch, looking bedraggled. Opening, the door and keeping out of the sunlight, he says, "'lo Rupes."

The Watcher is tired and lines of worry are on his face as he enters, saying, "Spike. Where-?"

"She's sleepin'," the vampire replies as he closes the door and goes back to the kitchen, intent on starting breakfast for Dawn. "S'been rough for her since she's been back. She's been havin' nightmares."

"Willow claims you won't let her or the others see her," Giles says delicately as he removes his glasses. Tea is set before him and he takes it gratefully as Spike snorts, moving with casual ease through the Summers kitchen. The bleached vampire cracks eggs into a bowl and whisks them with ease as he looks at him.

"Bit didn't want them here," he says. "And Buffy wasn't keen on looking at the people who pulled her out."

"Pulled her out?" Giles asks confusion written on his face. At that, Spike lets out a harsh laugh as he looks at him. "Christ," he says shaking his head. "Witch didn't tell you, did she? Figures she wouldn't want Daddy to know."

"Tell me what?" Giles says a sinking feeling in his gut.

"I was in heaven," Buffy's voice startles both men and Giles turns to face his surrogate daughter, the blood draining from his face. She stands in the entrance of the kitchen, hair golden and eyes unbearably sad. She wears a black T-shirt that Giles recognizes as one of Spike's and boxers. Her arms hug her body as she leans against the wall, saying softly, "They pulled me out...I can't look at them..."

"Oh my girl," Giles whispers as he rises and gathers Buffy into his arms. She allows him to hug her but stiffens as a knock sounds at the front door. Spike immediately goes over and gathers the Slayer into his arms, the red shirt he hasn't worn in years open to the waist. Giles watches as the vampire calms the Slayer who seems to lose the ability to speak as Xander's voice comes from the foyer

"Hello?" he calls as he enters the dining room. "Giles? Is Buffy here?"

Giles intercepts the carpenter's entrance to the kitchen and says seriously, "All of you, into the living room."

The four oblige, startled by the tone of the Watcher's voice. He looks at them all and shakes his head as he realizes that despite the wonderful, amazing things they have each done, they are all still children...

"You are all very stupid," he says. "Harnessing forces beyond your comprehension, beyond your control!"

"But Giles-" Willow protests and the Watcher glares at her as he whips off his glasses. "I will say this once," he snaps. "Shut up Willow."

She shrinks into her seat and Giles says, "I can understand you're wanting Buffy back. I can. I missed her terribly while she was gone but that does not excuse your actions. You crossed boundaries that aren't meant to be crossed. You took on black powers that will want payment for this."

"Payment?" Tara whispers and Giles studies the blonde witch. "Yes. Payment."

He paces the room as he continues, "Buffy was the Slayer and as such, was meant to die in battle. She was finished when it came to Glory. She was going to retire after and you all knew that! Why in the world would you bring her back to a life such as this?"

"We thought she was in hell," Xander blurts out. "Will said that she was in hell!"

"And what Xander?" Giles snaps. "You couldn't ask her to check if Buffy was in fact in hell?"

Xander licks his lips and looks at the floor. Willow straightens and says, "Giles, please! I just did what I thought was right! I mean, Buffy saved all of us and I just wanted to do the same!"

"You have no idea," Giles says heavily. "What it means to save someone Willow. What you've done to Buffy is inexcusable."

"But aren't you happy?" Willow persists. "Aren't you glad she's back?"

"That isn't the point!" Dawn cries as she rushes into the room. "God, Willow, don't you get it? You are such a control freak that you can't even see what you've done is wrong! My sister was in heaven and you pulled her out! How can you say it's a good thing she's back?"

"I can fix it," Willow suggests hopefully. "A memory spell-"

"My God," Giles says disbelievingly. "You are unbelievably naive. You...rank, arrogant amateur! You are still not seeing what you've done..."

"I did what no one else could," Willow says as she gets to her feet. "I did what no one else tried! And maybe, you shouldn't piss me off."

Dawn shakes her head and says, "I want you out of my house."

"Shut up Dawn," Willow says coldly. "I could make you go back into a little green ball with a thought. So, stop harassing me."

Dawn steps back, her face pale as Spike and Buffy rush into the room, the latter grabbing her sister's arm and pulling her to her chest. At the sight of the Slayer, Willow softens and says, "Buffy-" but the coldness of her voice stops her short.

"Get out," Buffy says. "Get out of this town. Out of this country if you have too. I can't look at any of you."

"Buffy," Xander says as he gets to his feet and reaches for her. The Slayer skittles back, dragging Dawn with her and Spike steps forward, keeping his arms at his sides as the Slayer stands as close to him as possible. She stares at Xander and says softly, "I was warm. I was loved. I was _finished_. I knew you guys would be okay without me." Her face hardens as she whispers, "But you pulled me out Xander. I know why you did it."

He shakes his head as she adds, "You thought I'd think you were a hero. I don't. I can't look at you the same anymore." She swallows and whispers, "I don't need you in my life. Spike and Dawn are all I need."

Xander's face hardens at the mention of the vampire and he spits out, "He doesn't care about you."

"He does," Buffy says. "I know he does because I felt it up there. I saw him do what none of you else did. I saw him protect Dawn when he didn't have to anymore." She tilts her chin up and adds, "And he's the only one who's ever let me rest and be me. You all expect me to be the Buffy from high school. From before Angelus. And I'm not."

She swallows and says, "She died a long time ago. When the Master killed her, she was gone. I've just been going throw the motions but now..." She shakes her head. "I can't anymore."

Buffy looks at Xander. "Goodbye Xander," she says softly.

He stares at her before looking at Giles helplessly. "Giles?"

"I think," Giles says carefully. "It would be best to respect Buffy's wishes." He looks at the girl standing beside the vampire. "I'm sure she'll contact you."

"No," Buffy says with sadness written in her voice and in her eyes. "I won't."

Silence falls and the four young people finally get up, moving to the door. Tara pauses and looks at Buffy, biting her lip as she turns to help a sobbing Willow out the door. She swallows as Xander shoves past them, Anya on his heels and thinks, _What have we done?_

Meanwhile, Buffy trembles as she watches her friends leave her house. She turns, burying her head into Spike's shoulder and automatically climbs up his body and into his arms. Spike ignores Giles' startled expression and wraps his arms around her, moving towards the stairs. Dawn stops Giles from follow and says quietly, "She's fine. She won't talk to anyone but him..."

Giles sighs wearily and rubs his eyes as he sits down on the couch while Dawn disappears up the stairs. She returns with sheets and a pillow, smiling as she sees that Giles is already fast asleep, his head touching the edge of the couch. Shaking her head, the Key put the sheets down on the chair and removes the Watcher's shoes, setting them beneath the coffee table.

"Welcome home Giles," she whispers before going upstairs.

--

_A month later..._

Buffy wakes with a start, her eyes snapping open as she sits up in her bed. She looks around the room and frowns as she realizes that Spike isn't there. Climbing out of bed, she pulls out a pair of jeans and removes the black t-shirt she has worn for weeks now. She goes the bathroom and frowns as she hears the shower running.

Peering through the crack in the door, she blinks as she sees Spike step out, a towel held before him. He hums a song to himself as he wraps it around his slim waist and her mouth goes dry at the sight of his pale, muscular form. She swallows as she backs away and goes to her room, rubbing a hand across her throat.

She remembers how before she threw herself off the tower, Spike had promised to take care of Dawn until the end of the world. She sighs and rubs her eyes as she thinks to herself that maybe she can admit to giving Spike the whole cake long before he asked...

At that moment, he enters and stops, embarrassment written on his face as she starts, eyes wide at the sight of him in a towel and nothing else. "Oh," he says nervously. "I didn't know you were awake..."

"Um, that's okay," she says hurriedly. "I don't mind that you're...naked..." She reddens and looks down at her lap, gnawing on her lip. Emotions are still too hard for her and she can't find the words to convey that she doesn't mind. That she finds Spike beautiful and warm...

She looks up to see him buttoning his jeans and watches as he pulls on a black shirt. Before she can stop herself, she asks, "Why don't you wear any other colors?"

Spike pauses to look at her, blue eyes filled with confusion. "Pardon?"

"Color," she says with a quirk of her brow. "You know, that other stuff that clothes do actually come in?"

He grins at her, a show of pretty white teeth, and says, "Better for blood stains if I wear black pet. And why are you complaining? You've taken half my wardrobe."

She blushes and says, "Shut up."

He chuckles and says, "Never bothered to pick up anything else. Black is a color that looks good on everyone. 'Sides, no reflection so I can't tell if I look good in pink."

She laughs at that and he smiles widely, pleasure in his eyes at the sound. It is rare to hear Buffy laugh now and he is very happy to know he is able to make her do so. "How about," he suggests. "You and the Bit take me to the mall? I'll be your bloody dress up doll for a day."

"Really?" she says a gleam in her eyes that he remembers from before her...being gone.

"Yeah," he smiles at her. "I've got some dosh stowed away. Treat you girls to a couple new outfits if you like."

Buffy grins at him and says, "Shopping is always a good thing."

--

Spike sits down with a heavy sigh of relief on a bench, smiling as Buffy and Dawn giggle over their new purchases. He watches his girls, at the way they are affectionate with one another, at the way they laugh and tease each other. He rubs a hand across his eyes, exhaustion filling him.

It's been three months since Buffy was returned. Three months of nightmares and tears, sometimes screaming. He knows that Dawn and Giles are grateful for his staying, for his being able to calm down the Slayer when no one else can.

Opening his eyes, he smiles as the two girls look at him with shining eyes and gets to his feet, saying, "Ice cream?" and grinning at the chorus of "Yes!"

He isn't sure when he knew that this was where he would stay until he was dust; all he knows is that he has become unable to let Dawn or Buffy go...

He'd rather die first then live without seeing them every day.

As soon as they get home, Buffy and Dawn go upstairs with their purchases. Spike enters the kitchen and pauses at the sight he sees. Giles gives him a look of gratefulness and says, "Angel received a phone call from Willow and Xander apparently."

His Grandsire sits at the counter, brow creasing in a frown. Spike ignores him briefly and looks at Giles as he says, "Let me tell her. She might not be ready for him yet."

"What is this?" Angel demands angrily. "What have you done to her Spike?"

"Not a bloody thing," Spike retorts irritably. "_I_ didn't pull her out. _I _didn't leave her for her own good. Hell, _I've _been the one who's listening to her screams at night and helping her through the nightmares. Where've you beenAngelus?"

Angel can't offer a reply and Spike shakes his head in disgust before leaving the kitchen. Taking the stairs two at a time, he knocks on Buffy's door and says gently, "Pet? You've got a visitor."

She turns, holding one of the shirts she picked out for him in her hands and says, "Who?"

"Angel," he says gruffly watching her eyes widen and her face go blank. Sighing, he goes over and gently takes the shirt from her, saying, "I'll finish putting all the stuff away if you want."

She looks at him, eyes wet with tears, and whispers, "I don't want to see him."

"And if I believed that," he drawls as he folds the shirt and slides it into the drawer. He pauses long enough to realize that his shirts are beside hers, a domestic scene that has him clenching his fists and nostrils flaring.

Buffy fidgets and sighs wearily. Looking around, she picks up the black shirt she wears to sleep in and pulls off her blouse. Pulling on Spike's t-shirt, she says, "Okay. Um...I'll be right back."

She leaves, Spike methodically putting away their clothing. The Cockney vampire pauses at the sound of her going down the stairs and closes his eyes tightly as anger fills him. They had been fine without Angel, he and Buffy. Completely fine...

Now, he was here and Spike just knew that something was going to change.

--

She pauses at the sight of Angel and Giles. Her mentor and father figure smiles warmly at her and Angel turns, his brown eyes filling with pain and awe. She wishes that he hadn't come, wishes that he wasn't here because she was fine. She hasn't needed Angel since he left her, saying it was for her own good. She knew that was a lie when he said it...

He left because he didn't want to deal with everything; his curse, the possibility that they might let their emotions go wild and Angelus would return.

She wraps her arms around herself and says, "Angel."

"Buffy," he says and she swallows as she looks up at him. He is so tall and she wonders why she never noticed that before. She looks down at the floor, studying her feet as Angel speaks.

"God," Angel says. "You're here. You're really alive..."

"Yeah," she says. "Yeah, I am."

Giles coughs and smiles at them both, saying, "I think I'll go and look over some things." He leaves and Buffy looks down at the ground as she says, "You could've called. You didn't need to come all this way."

Angel frowns, confusion written on his face as he says, "I know but Willow and Xander said that you wanted to see me so I figured..."

"I haven't talked to them since I came back," she replies anger burning in her at her former friend's interference. "I can't. They pulled me out."

"Buffy?"

"Heaven, Angel," she clarified. "I was in heaven and they pulled me out. I was done. Finished. There was no reason for me to come back. Glory and the tower...was it. My final stand..."

She clutches the shirt in her hands tighter, until her knuckles turn white, and seeing anger flare in Angel's eyes at the familiar piece of clothing, continues, "I didn't need to be here, as the Slayer anymore." She chuckles bitterly. "But Willow and Xander couldn't see that...couldn't understand what it's like to see so much death and horror..."

"Buffy," Angel says as he steps towards her but stops as she steps back from him. Her eyes are wet with tears and sadness fills them in such a way his soul aches. "Buffy, I'm so sorry."

"Everyone is sorry," she whispers, anger flaring in her eyes. "Giles is sorry. Dawn is sorry. You're sorry. But no one gets it. No one understands. I had to pull myself out of my grave, Angel. My _grave_. And I know you didn't. I know Darla kept you in a room, waiting for you to rise..."

Angel flinches and bitterness is in his tone as he says, "And Spike understands?"

"Yes," Buffy lifts her chin and nods her head. "He does. He stayed for me. For Dawn. He took care of her when everyone else abandoned her. When everyone else put her aside to grieve for me. To mourn for me, instead of doing what I would have wanted, Spike did it. He took her and made her his family." She looks up at the ceiling. "He did what you didn't do. He stayed for her and for me."

Angel flinches, remembers how after her burial he had left Sunnydale immediately. He'd sworn to his Childe that if he hurt Dawn, he would return and hadn't understood what Spike had meant with his anger and tears and recriminations of, "Unlike you Peaches, _I _don't leave the ones I love for _their own good_."

He reaches for her again and she steps back, farther away from him. "You should go," Buffy says quietly, her eyes brimming with sadness. "And you shouldn't come back."

"Buffy-"

"No, Angel," Buffy whispers her hands clutching on the black shirt decorating her body. "You gave up your claim on me a long time ago." Her chin lifts and she looks stronger than Angel remembers. "And I gave up my heart to someone else as soon as you left."

"Spike?" Angel says incredulously. "You're with Spike?"

"Not yet," she says softly. "But I will be." Then, she turns and walks away from him, going up the stairs. Angel stands in the kitchen and leaves in a flurry of black and hurt, his soul in agony and his demon laughing in amusement at his pain.

Giles watches the vampire's reaction and sighs. Getting to his feet, he calls for Dawn and when the teen comes down, offers to take her for pizza. They are gone within fifteen minutes, leaving Spike and Buffy to themselves.

--

Spike rubs the mirror clean of steam, towel slung low on his hips. He snorts at the lack of reflection and sighs as he splashes cold water on his face. Leaving the room, he walks out the bathroom door but pauses as he hears Angel and Buffy's voices coming from downstairs. He debates with himself if he should eavesdrop and decides he doesn't want too...

Hearing his Slayer say she loves the Poof would cause him to much heartache.

He crosses the floor, closing the bedroom door silently, and leans his forehead against it. A month ago, Buffy had moved herself and him into her mother's former room, while Dawn took over her old room. Giles had moved into Dawn's bedroom, despite his protests that he could certainly find an apartment...

He smiles at the thought of the Watcher. His support when it came to Spike's staying has helped immensely, especially with Willow and Xander's constant denial that they had done anything wrong...

He sighs and goes over to the dresser, pulling out a clean pair of sweatpants and one of the white t-shirts that the Bit and Buffy had shoved at him at the mall. He smiles as he holds the shirt in his hands and starts as the door opens, Buffy poking her head in. He doesn't turn to look at her, merely says, "So...where's Peaches stayin' tonight?" his unbeating heart ready to be broken.

Sadness fills the Slayer as she watches Spike's back, at the paleness of his skin, glowing gold because of the floor lamp that casts soft light. She leans against the wall and says, "He's going back to L.A. where he belongs..."

The Cockney's back straightens as he stares down at the shirt in his hands, the light casting a pale yellow color to it. He swallows and says, "That right? Sure you must be disappointed."

"Why would I be?" Buffy asks softly. "Everything I need and everything I want is right here in this house."

Silence falls. A thick silence that is so heavy, so full of emotions that cannot be given a name, Buffy is certain her heart stops...

"Spike?" she asks softly. "Please, look at me?"

He turns, the shirt still in his hands and says, "Slayer?"

"I'm sorry," she says as the tears she has been keeping back slide down her face. "For how I was before I jumped. For how I never treated you like a man, always a monster..."

"I am a monster love," he reminds her quietly. "Can't ever be anything but."

"Yes, you can," she insists as she crosses the room and takes the shirt from his hands. She drops it on the floor and places her tiny hands on the towel around his waist, saying softly, "No monster would fall in love with a lost little girl like me. No monster would love that same girl's mother and sister because they were kind to him." She leans up and kisses his tear-  
stained cheeks quietly, murmuring, "No monster would make me fall in love with him so subtly that I wouldn't know it until it was too late..."

She pulls away and smiles at him with teary eyes. "No monster," she repeats. "But a man."

"Buffy," Spike gasps and the Slayer presses her mouth to his as she pulls the towel away to reveal his beautiful form in all its ivory glory. She sheds her clothing as she kisses him pouring all her love and admiration into the kiss, pouring all her doubts and fears into what this means...

And he is there to catch her like he has always done before.

They settle on the bed, hips flush against each other, and he wonders if he is dreaming, if he will awaken to the sound of her voice saying Angel's name instead of his. Buffy grabs his face in her hands and says fiercely, that spark of life he had loved before he knew it in her eyes, "Are you with me?"

"Yes," he says as he settles between her thighs, sliding home. "_Yes_."

And when his climax comes, he struggles with his demon as her name falls from his lips. Buffy merely brings his lips to her throat and murmurs, "Yours..."

His fangs descend and he bites down, her life spilling into his mouth. He shudders as her muscles tighten around him, as she calls out his name and says, "I love you..."

"Mine," he howls and she tightens beneath him again as she says again, "_Yours..._"

And they sleep, him still inside of her, their limbs entwined in a circle of gold and ivory. Two halves of a whole united for all eternity.

--

Weeks pass, then months, and life in the Summers home settles down into a quiet, peaceful life. The Slayer only slays when she must, leaving her mate to do the nightly patrols. Spike doesn't protest or mind, his demon content with the spot of violence he gets every night. Giles, having already suspected the relationship between the vampire and his Slayer, is accepting of Buffy's decision to mate with Spike and hadn't protested while Dawn was ecstatic on having her family whole.

Buffy sits in the Bronze, Dawn on the dance floor with Spike. She smiles at the sight of her mate, dancing with her sister, his expression filled with affection as he watches the youngest Summers move her arms and legs. He merely holds her body in place, blue eyes going over to where she sits every few minutes, as if he is reassuring himself she is still there.

She laughs as Dawn comes back to the table, face red with delight as she says, "I just saw some kids from school. Can I go and say hi?"

"Sure," she says as Spike sits beside her, reaching for his drink. "But we're leaving at eleven, okay?"

"Yeah," her sister says happily. "I know." She is gone in a flurry of teenage energy. Buffy sighs and smiles as her mate nuzzles her neck, saying, "Wanna dance love?"

She pulls back to look in his eyes as she says teasingly, "Isn't that all we've ever done?"

He grins, a quick flash of pretty white teeth, before pulling her out of her seat and to the floor. The song is sultry and slow, a steady beat that flows through the two supernatural blondes with ease. They move with each other gracefully, Buffy's back pressing against Spike's front, her hand coming up to twine itself around his neck as she moves her hips to the beat. Spike nuzzles her cheek with his nose as he inhales her scent, enjoying the feel of Buffy's body against his.

Buffy let her eyes close as she turns, burying her face into Spike's neck. All relationships she has had, she was dwarfed by the size of her boyfriends. Angel and Riley had been so tall in comparison and while she had appreciated the protection, she had also resented how they used their size as an excuse to keep her protected...

Control was the issue for them both. She wouldn't be controlled by them.

She lifts her head smiling as Spike's blue eyes look down at her. She can see the love and adoration written in their dark depths and she murmurs, "I love you William..." delight filling her at the color changing to a deep, brilliant blue. He tightens his grip on her and murmurs, "I love you too Buffy..." before claiming her mouth in a passionate kiss.

Their tongues dance with one another, mimicking the love making they have both come to crave like blood and air. As she pulls away, a smile crosses her face when suddenly Dawn appears beside them, her face full of worry and fear.

"Buffy," she gasps as she takes deep breaths. "Buffy, Riley's outside with Willow and Xander. Buffy, I think he brought the Initiative too!"

And fear fills Buffy. Fear for her mate, fear for Dawn. Fear for herself.

Spike presses a swift kiss to her brow and says, "C'mon then. We best get out of here."

He leads them off the dance floor, one hand holding onto each of the Summers girls. They go through a doorway that leads to the back of the Bronze, an alley that makes Buffy smile as she remembers the first time she had seen Spike, the way her body had warmed at the sight of him, even as she held herself aloof and cold.

Spike seems to remember as well, he tosses a smirk at her as they walk down the alley towards the street. He pauses, nostrils flaring, and mutters, "Damn it..." as suddenly they are being surrounded by figures in black. Buffy gathers Dawn close to her body as Spike bars the way towards them with his own. He snarls, game face appearing as one of the commandoes lunges for Dawn and the Slayer, and his mate kicks out with her foot, catching the army man in the chin. He flies back and as the others begin to move forward, a familiar voice calls out, "At ease!"

Buffy watches, her arms tight around Dawn as Riley steps out of the shadows. Her former boyfriend stares at her for a moment, something written in his eyes that has her pulling Spike closer to her as she tugs on his hand.

"Riley."

"Buffy," Riley nods at her, eyes flickering onto Spike and his body's closeness to hers. His eyes darken and harden as he says with a sneer, "Hostile Seventeen."

Buffy feels her breath catch as Xander and Willow push their way through the crowd of commandoes. She narrows her eyes as her former best friends call her name and she merely steps closer to Spike, Dawn wrapping a hand around his wrist.

"What is this?" Spike asks, his voice full with amusement, and Buffy can hear the fear in his voice at the amount of commandoes around them. "Finally got the stones, Captain Cardboard?"

"Shut up," Riley barks and Spike tenses up, his eyes flickering gold as he growls, "Careful boy. You forget who you're dealing with."

"I know exactly what you are," Riley snaps. "And I also know, you're a danger to society."

"Where did you get this information?" Dawn challenges from the safety of her sister and surrogate brother's arms. "Because if Spike is classified as a non-human, so am I. And Buffy."

"Dawn!" Willow gasps. "She's mistaken, she doesn't-"

"Shut up Willow," Buffy growls out as she keeps a tight grip on her sister and mate. "You're not exactly a normal human yourself, remember? A powerful witch who raises people from the dead?"

Murmurs run through the crowd of commandoes and Riley frowns as he looks at Willow, who has turned extremely pale. "What is she talking about?" he asks narrowing his gaze as Xander refuses to look at him. "Xander?"

"Nothing," Xander says quickly, his voice high and nervous. "She's just...she's under his thrall, like I told you Riley..."

"Thrall?" Spike snorts as he relaxes his body. "I don't have a thrall, you moron. Dru was the one with the mojo, not me." He grins then as he adds, "Although, my charm didn't stop me from gettin' the ladies."

"Sir?" one of the nameless soldiers asks. "Shall we capture the Hostile?"

"At ease soldier," Riley frowns as he steps forward, intent on removing Buffy and Dawn from Spike's grasp. "Buffy," he says in a placating tone. "I need to take him in. The chip...it's not going to last for more than a few days now."

"Good," Buffy says as she meets his gaze unflinchingly. "Spike needs to be able to protect himself from people like you, Xander, and Willow." She lets her gaze travel over to the aforementioned two. "People who don't understand what it's like to be me or Spike or Dawn."

"Buffy?" Riley asks confusion written in his voice.

"I was dead Riley."

Silence reigns; quietly, Riley asks, "What?" as he pales and steps back from her. The Slayer stares at him with glittering green eyes. "I was dead," she repeats as she clutches Spike's hand tighter, closing her eyes as he runs his free hand over her hair. "I was finished. I was done. Then, Willow and Xander...they pulled me out."

"Buffy," Willow whimpers as she steps forward. "Buffy, please. I thought I was doing what you would have wanted. I thought I was helping."

"That's always been your problem, Willow," Buffy replies shaking her head. "Oz left and you did a spell to make it better. Instead, you made things worse for everyone else. I died and you assumed I went to hell. Why would you think that the Slayer, the Chosen One, would go to hell?"

Willow bites her lip as she looks at the floor. "I'm sorry," she whispers. "God, Bufy, I'm so sorry..."

"Nothing you ever say," Buffy replies as she tightens her grip on Spike and Dawn. "Will make me forgive you Willow. _Nothing_."

"And Spike?" Xander hisses, speaking up for the first time since he had stepped out of the crowd. "What can he offer you that we can't? We love you Buffy. We want to help you get over this!"

"Get over being torn out of heaven?" Buffy's voice is like steel, an edge to it that reminds them all of how she was the day she went to kill Angelus. "I'm sure that you'd be great at therapy Xander but no thanks. You've never been able to look past what happened my first night here. How I let Jesse be turned and let you stake him."

Xander flinches, the wound reopening as he says shakily, "Shut up..."

"It's true Xan," Buffy smiles sadly. "You've never forgiven me for letting Jesse be turned. I can see it in your eyes everytime you look at me. I can see it whenever you say something negative about Spike's feelings for me. And I'm sorry I let that happen to Jesse but I was young and stupid." A tear slides down her cheek. "We all were."

Riley frowns deeply and turns to look at the soldiers. "Mission abort men. We're not needed here." As quickly as they appeared, the Initiative soldiers are gone, and the Slayer's former boyfriend turns to look at her. He says nothing for a few moments, merely stares at the two blondes huddled around Dawn. Then, he says, his voice quiet and full of regret, "You love him?"

"I've loved him before he even existed," Buffy replies without hesitation. Riley nods and looks at Spike, blue clashing with blue. The vampire nods his head at the unspoken question and the soldier sighs deeply before turning. He walks away, intent on leaving Sunnydale behind for good when Xander's voice breaks through the night.

"You're going to let him do this?" the carpenter demands his eyes filling with anger and hatred as he looks at the blonde vampire. "You're going to just _let_ him take Buffy from you?"

"She wasn't mine," Riley replies as he turns his head slightly. "And she isn't a possession Xander. I think that's always been your problem." Then he is gone into the night, a ghost of the past.

The Scoobies stare at the Slayer, the Key, and the Cockney vampire. Buffy keeps a firm grip on her mate's hand and says quietly, "Let's go home Dawnie." before walking past them. Xander growls and lunges for Spike as he walks past but is thrown back by a furious Slayer. Buffy stands before her mate and sister, legs spread out in a fighting stance, and her green eyes flashing with anger and hurt.

"Buffy," Willow pleads. "Please. We just want to help you."

"I think," Buffy says lowly as Xander gets to his feet, holding his jaw. "You've helped me enough." She turns her head and locks eyes with Spike, who nods as he gently leads Dawn down the street towards home. The Slayer turns to face her two friends and crosses her arms over her chest. "Say whatever it is you need to say. Then leave me alone," she orders cooly.

"I didn't know," Willow says. "I swear to you Buffy, I thought I was helping! I thought I was saving you!"

"I'm the Slayer," Buffy replies quietly. "I don't need you to save me."

"And Spike?" Xander demands disgustedly. "What, you need him?"

"Yes," she replies bluntly. "I need him like I need air. Like he needs blood. I don't expect you to understand Xander; I don't expect you accept it. What I do expect is for you to leave me and Spike and Dawn alone. We don't need you ruining our lives."

"Oh," Xander explodes. "Because I don't want to see you be drained dry by a bloodsucking fiend like him? Because I don't want you to be with him when he doesn't deserve you?"

"And who does Xander?" Buffy counters. "Who deserves me? Riley? Angel? _You_? Riley couldn't handle my being stronger than him. Angel couldn't handle anything about our relationship unless he was the one calling the shots. And I'm sorry Xander but I've never seen you as anything more than a friend. You've lied to me more than once and I can't be with someone who lies because he's selfish and bitter."

"What are you talking about?" Xander demands and Buffy tilts her head to the side as she says quietly, "Angelus. What was it Willow said? Kick his ass?"

"What?" Willow gasps as Xander pales while Buffy's face is blank of emotion. The Zeppo swallows as the Slayer says, "And also, the not remembering of the hyena incident? You trying to rape me?" She shakes her head slowly, sadness brimming in her eyes. "Those are things I have _never_ forgotten Xander but I forgave you for them. Every day when I let you hug me for comfort or for affection. Everyday when I asked you to watch my back." She tilts her chin up as fire flashes in her green eyes. "I screamed at you both to stop when you performed the spell. I begged you to let me rest-"

A crystalline tear slid down Buffy's cheek.

"Why didn't you let me rest?"

Willow clings to Xander as tears slide down her face. The carpenter reaches for Buffy who steps back and then turns, disappearing into the night. The Slayer runs as fast her legs can carry her, as fast as her body will allow, and when she reaches her home, Spike stands in the doorway, the light from inside the house glinting off his hair. He opens his arms and she throws herself into them as she cries bitter tears of regret and sadness.

He murmurs soft words of comfort, rocking her back and forth. She clings to him as she presses soft kisses to his face, murmuring, "I love you. I love you. I love you..." as he carries her to their bed, to try and forget this night.

Weeks later, Tara comes to the house, intent on seeing if she can reconcile with the Slayer and the Cockney vampire. The quiet white witch misses her friends and family, having been unable to stop Willow from performing the spell, she hopes to be able to help the Slayer forgive her girlfriend and the rest for their mistake.

She smiles as she sees Dawn sitting on the front porch. At the sight of Tara, the Key's face lights up happily as she bounces to her feet and gives her a hug. Regardless of her part in Buffy's resurrection, Dawn cannot stay angry at her favorite witch. Tara had been the one person other than Spike to take care of her while Buffy was gone and Dawn can't forget that.

Buffy steps out of the house as she watches Dawn talk excitedly with Tara. A small smile slips over her face as she says, "Hello Tara."

"Buffy," Tara says, her nervousness causing her to fidget nervously. "Hi."

"Come on in," the Slayer says with a tiny smile and the white witch enters with relief written on her features. "I'm glad you're here. Dawn has missed you."

"I wasn't sure I'd be welcome," Tara admits and Buffy shrugs, saying, "You were always kind to me and to Spike. And I know when I was gone that you were the only other person to look after Dawn because I would have wanted you too." She looks at Tara with thanks written in her green eyes. "Thank you for that. For accepting him when the rest of us couldn't."

"He saved me," Tara reminds her. "From my father. He didn't need to hit me and cause himself pain but he did, _and_ not even hard enough to break the skin." She smiles slightly, a smile that has Buffy realizing the layers in the blonde witch she hasn't gotten to know. "I kinda had a soft spot for him after that."

Buffy smiles in return as she leads the witch and Dawn into the kitchen. Spike is still sleeping and she hasn't the heart to wake him. As she prepares tea for Tara and herself, Dawn chatters about school and the boy she likes. It is obvious to Buffy that Tara loves Dawn dearly and she feels regret at keeping them apart.

"I'm sorry," she says as she hands Tara her tea. "For keeping you from seeing Dawn. I know that Willow can be very persuasive when she wants to be."

"Don't apologize," Tara insists. "Willow...she lied to me and the others. She said she knew that you were in hell. I didn't think to double check because I trusted her." A sad smile crosses the blonde witch's features. "She is terribly naive when it comes to magic and the consequences."

Giles enters the kitchen, surprise flickering across his features as he sees Tara. They greet each other politely, the Watcher and the White Witch, and Buffy slips out of the kitchen, moving upstairs. She slips into the bedroom, a smile slipping over her features at the sight of the slumbering form on the bed. She places the mug of blood on the night stand and crawls into bed, straddling the vampire's waist.

His lids flutter and a sliver of jewel blue peers up at her as she smiles down at him. A lazy grin twists his lips upwards as he murmurs a sleepy, "G'mornin' love..." as she leans down and nuzzles his throat. Spike purrs in contentment and nuzzles Buffy's cheek as she peers into his eyes.

He presses his forehead to hers and murmurs, "I love you..." as she smiles and burrows into his arms, contentment written in the lines of her body and face. They drift between sleep and awake, the blonde pair, and are suddenly awoken by the sounds of shouting from below. Buffy scrambles to toss Spike his jeans and the vampire pulls them on quickly as they go downstairs. Buffy stops short at the sight of Willow and Xander on her front porch, the former saying something to Tara that has Dawn shaking her head, tears sliding her face. At the sight of her sister crying, the Slayer demands, "What is going on?" as Spike stands behind her, a silent sentinel.

"Willow did a spell," Tara says as she steps back from her girlfriend, gently moving Dawn into the house. "She checked over what she performed to bring you back and..."

"And?" Spike asks gruffly, his blue eyes narrowed as he studies the two Scoobies. Willow trembles as she says softly, "Buffy. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"What?" Buffy demands as she tightens her grip on Spike's arm.

Willow looks at her, her eyes impossibly green and deep.

"You came back wrong."

--

Spike peers into the bedroom and sighs as he sees his Slayer curled up in a fetal position. Gently nudging the door open, he places the tray of tea and toast Tara had prepared on the dresser and says softly, "Buffy? Kitten, you need to eat somethin'."

"I'm not human," she whispers as she lifts her head and stares up at him. Her eyes are red from her crying and tear tracks stain her cheek as she sits up to watch him. Spike shakes his head and climbs onto the bed, gently gathering Buffy into his arms. He rocks her from side to side, humming quietly as he strokes her hair.

The Slayer clutches his shoulders, tears sliding down her face as she cries. She pulls away and looks up at him for a few moments before pressing her mouth to his softly. Spike kisses her gently and then leans back to peer down into her eyes. Quietly, he says, "You know what I think? I think you've never been human."

Hurt flares in Buffy's eyes but Spike continues as he gently strokes her cheek. "I think," he murmurs, "You brought some of heaven back with you, love. Because everytime I'm with you, inside you...it feels like heaven to me."

Buffy closes her eyes, tears seeping out from behind her lashes as Spike cradles her face in his hands. "A hundred plus years," he whispers as he kisses her eyes. "And there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I know exactly what you are."

He smiles as she opens her eyes. "You're a hell of a woman," he whispers. "You're the one Buffy."

Love fills her then; love that is full and pure and makes her _ache_ in a way that she has never experienced before. She closes her eyes and whispers, "Spike..." as he presses his lips to hers. They make love that is loving and hopeful and filled with sighs and quiet moans. They build up to a gentle climax and as the sun drifts over the town, they sleep with their arms and legs tangled, content.

--

"And I could tell you that they lived happily ever after," the demon finishes. "But that would be a lie of course. As passionate as the Slayer and her Vampire were, there were troubles and tribulations. After all, the life of a Slayer isn't normal in the slightest. Add to that a Master Vampire as a Mate and a sister that is an ancient Key..."

"So, what happened to 'em?" the man asks and the demon grins.

"Well, the big moments are gonna come," he shrugs as he gets to his feet, tossing money on the bar. "You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who are. You'll see what I mean."

"Yeah?"

The demon grins wider. "Yeah." He looks up at the ceiling. "So? You ready to save the world?"

The man says nothing for a moment and shrugs. "What the hell?" he says as he tosses back his whiskey and gets to his feet. "I could do with some fun."

"See," the demon says as they begin to walk out of the bar. "That is an attitude that'll keep you alive, Lindsey. You're on your way to redemption."

"You sure about that?" Lindsey retorts as he steps out into the night. The demon chuckles and nods his head as he watches the man walk away. "Positive," he calls after him. "And if you need help, call for Whistler."

"Who?" Lindsey turns and frowns as he sees that there is no one there. He sighs, turning back towards the street and walks into the night, letting her wrap him in her embrace.

_Finis_


End file.
